i thought i thought through it last night
when i cried outside Spagheddies with Amanda trying to comfort me.

and last night i honestly thought to myself,
'okay, i'm only just in the beginning of be more active, eating less.
it'll take time.'

then today the ranting comes again.
in that spur of the moment, it would be so much easier and faster
if i just go anorexic for them.
... because i am desperate to tell them
that it's utterly miserable to hear them comment everyday that i need to lose weight.
and that they CAN be so superficial.
of course "they mean you good", but...

then now go listen to everyone screaming in my face (through the tagbaord)
'but you're not fat!' 'you look okay!'
well, newsflash.
the combined voices of my mom and sis will always be louder than the rest of the world.

okay, patience is virtue.
i'll just endure their comments again (which will be tmr)
and then again, and again, and again...

Words of the... argh i don't care.