i'm going to write this entry in prose, so bear with me. yeah, but i don't like chunky paragraphs so i'm going to keep my paragraphs short so you guys can take a breather. XD

i stayed up a bit last night to read up on what has happened from 2006 till now. explanation: ever since i entered jjc, i've been so caught up with so many activities i completely stopped writing to my REAL diary (in which i shall NOT disclose its personal name =X) and so now that i've ample time, i'm collecting whatever i could possibly remember through smses (yes, i still have smses labelled '2006') and my blog.

can you imagine?? my fake diary actually providing my real one with events and happenings. i mean, everyone always asks 'why aren't you updating your blog?' etc. so i guess peer pressure works all the time. and i thank peer pressure (for once) because if not for it, i would've lost 2 years of memories. and its scary to have amnesia (whatever the spelling is again) of 2 years. especially when they were the best years yet.

yeah, i kinda figured that i'll eventually be too busy to write in my real diary, so ive been keeping my smses everywhere. and thanks to nokia pc suite i can store smses in the computer too. so yeah, people now know that i have dirty little secrets in my n73 XD but no point reading my phone now, it's just reminders to me of what happened. it could be just like... err... sarah smsing me 'thanks for the card today' and i can remember the entire incident. (so awwww... i'm not blackmail-able XD)

yeah once again whenever i read my old 'entries', i embark on a self-reflection journey on how stupid and ignorant i was. from julius to drama fest, to orientation, to pre-a levels, to post-a levels incidents (i.e the events in 2008).

there are things that i could've improved, there are things i could've done without. also, i had behaved and responded in various ways that should've been done better, but i didn't.

i could've studied harder. (if i could actually do so *frown*) i could've decided to stop liking jack a lot earlier (since we'll still be great buddies like now XD) and end the spiritual torture within myself. (by the way, this point is as clear as day, so there's no big fuss over it) i could've been a lot more tactful in my words and not hurt people (although there ARE people that requires you to be straight and blunt, and the hurt will be inevitable... at least for me.) i could've just discovered the one thing that has been planted in my heart like.. a year ago and done something about it, instead of being confused and oblivious till now.

taking this a little back further in time. i could've been a little more disciplined and a little more aggressive in my spiritual life... that way i don't have to wait 4 years to love God, and another 2 years thereafter to be active in cg meetings and services. and... since i only became deeply involved in cg matters till after a levels... i spent 8 years to be at a level that can be accomplished in less than a year (i.e Lokies)... i can't bear to even think about it.

it still saddens me when i realised how pathetically stupid and foolish of me to not appreciate God... and love Him earlier. and other thoughts about this i'll keep to myself.

but anyway there is a reason to everything that happens. and i'm glad that i am where i am, spiritual or non-spiritual. and about lokies... i don't wanna compare. it's my walk with God, if God's patient with my progress (somewhat) then that's all that matter. and since everything works in God's time, i should say that the timing is perfect and not complain =3

amazing what your past tells you huh? i say it's great, albeit tedious, to keep a diary! =)))

going on an RO fast is harder than i thought. especially when you know that your merchant is no longer auto-vending in prontera. =X and your guild leader calls you to tell you that she found some old acRO players >.< i MUST perservere!!! XD

oooh yeah... yesterday i went to kinokuniya; liang court. it's a 20% discount off for members. it's their 8th anniversary =3 so i went and bought loads of books =3 once again, my book fetish is satisfied =)

(refresh my memory again?)

my book fetish is a 'rare syndrome' where i have this desire to buy books... even if i haven't finished reading the books i've bought previously. yeah, i love the feeling of new books in my hand. a rather expensive sickness, i'm afraid. and going to the library doesn't help. i MUST own the book =X

now that i've written it down, it sounds really bad.wait till u hear my other idiosyncrasies, one involving bathrooms! XD

Words of the *~PaRaNoId QuEEn~*
book expenditure and wet bathrooms.