i told myself, enough with this moping.
i'm not going to decorate my blog with emo-ness and depression.
i want to be positive in my outlook.
people are too busy, too tired, too worked up in their own troubles to tend to me.
i need to take care of myself and not always run to others at the slightest tremor.

but... i can't.
deep inside of me i cannot fight this depression alone.
the frustration, the hair-tearing feeling, the slapping of myself to force myself not to cry...
it has all gone with the shower.

like a bug trapped under the finger, the more i struggle, the more i lose.
i might as well... go with the flow... even if it means losing my life.
gee, im not making sense here.

i did my tutorial in school.
i did my best to reach home early.
i tried my very best not to complain.
i tried even harder to forgo whatever 'values' i have.
i came home earlier than i wished.
still... in vain.

the worst thing is that they now refuse to talk to me.
when they do, it is with a tone of disapproval.
do i need to take all this crap? no.
am i obliged to do all this? no.
should i feel bad that im not able to help? no.

despite my rebellious thoughts and actions,
i'm scared.
i'm trying to keep my head up, keep my smile going.

'keep me safe, o Lord.
for in you i find my refuge.'
i need to keep, cling onto this verse with me for the rest of the year.

Words of the *~PaRaNoId QuEEn~*
... i'm hungry. =(