i came out of the interview room, said goodbye to a fellow interviewee i met, took the lift down to level 1. there, i returned the visitors' pass and smiled goodbye to the security guard. i called my mom and waited patiently for her to arrive.

it was when i sat in the car that i sobbed uncontrollably.

the interview wasn't BAD. but it didn't have a great feeling of security.
i went into the room expecting them to ask me 'why do you want to be a teacher?'
instead, this was the first thing they asked (and consecutively continued to hanker on)

'what did you do during your break?'

'so... you have no teaching experience at all?'

'not even tutoring a kid perhaps?'

no, no, NO! neither did i teach a dog to learn to roll over either.

then they asked questions like 'what made you want to be a teacher?', 'you have no prior experience in teaching, what makes you think you can teach in a school?', 'would you rather teach primary or secondary school children? why?'

their comment on my answers? 'you do realise that what you're saying is very ideal, right?'

ideal? oh come on, of course any teacher would have a few ideal things in their minds right? i am a practical person in my methods and ideas, but it never hurts to have idealistic dreams. because that's what all of us started out on and that's what brought us thus far.

now WHY didn't i think of THAT then to tell them?

the only question that seemed hopeful was 'you do know the number of years you'll be on bond right?'

'yes i do,' i replied. '4 years.'

'and you know the damages to be paid should you break the bond?'

'i won't.'

'well, we won't know for sure.' the man chuckled.

crud. was i too hasty? =\

'well,' the man smiled at me. 'that's all we have for you.'

that's ALL?

i was in there barely 5 minutes.

'thank you for your time' was all i managed to choke out.

my one opportunity. and it looks like i blew it.
well, honestly, listening to the interview, it really sounded normal.
it's just the feeling i have inside...

arghh... for one 'lousy-feeling' interview
i gave up my entire week of morning prayer meetings with Pastor Kong?
sacrificed the leaders' meeting on tuesday? (which, i heard. was very good.)
i don't feel that it's worth it, at all.
i know, i said i won't complain and whine on my blog,
but the fact that i couldn't go for the prayer meetings
still makes me want to cry in 'spoilt brat-ish' disappointment.

surely God didn't give me this chance so that He can take it away from me again right?
i still foolishly (to everyone), blindly and wholeheartedly trust in the Lord.

after a prayer and few more tears, i was feeling better, and hungry again. =)

Words of the *~PaRaNoId QuEEn~*
Thank God for my mother's efforts in ensuring i don't get anymore sick than i am now.
she really DID took away my time with God, but took care of me instead.