oh wow. this is going to be ONE LONG ENTRY. yes THAT many things happened in this one week. bear with me a little okay?

thursday (5th):
i attended SMa's murdoch university talk at bugis. yes. the school is situated at bugis. apparently SMa is working with Murdoch so that Murdoch can open a 'singapore campus' over here: the international study centre. so yeah... and well, their degrees are 'machiam' like shopping, i can choose and be 'flexible' about my degrees. i doubted if that makes it less credible. but... interestingly, i felt good about the talk, i enjoyed the school systems. so yeah they spoke really well, because i felt very inclined to apply for that school.

so anyway, i went back home at around 11 plus to hear the family discussion about my future. supposedly it's like this: i've currently appealed to NUS and NTU. i'm also intending to retake my 'a' levels. if i don't get through the appeal, i'll retake my 'a's and also go for the murdoch uni course. since school starts in oct and my exams end in mid nov, the overlap isn't going to be that significant. so yeah, this WAS the plan.

then friday happened:

i decided not to retake my 'a' levels as i felt that even if i were to retake it i may not do any better. so i told my dad about it, and he said 'where's your fighting spirit?' and then he proceed on to say 'if you had as much determination to retake your 'a's like how determined you are to join council last time, you'll do so much better. don't be pushed by what others say.' but... the thing is, i really don't want to retake my 'a' levels, the drive to retake my a levels only came from them.

'fine, i'll retake, i'll retake!'

i know, that's giving in to my father's request. but... i'm so tired. i'm tired of hearing everyone giving me advice and saying 'it's your choice' when it's obvious that they want me to do their bidding. i sat on the sofa, and uncontrollably, i said to myself 'i'm defeated.' and from 2-5 all i could think about is that i should give up. then, around 5, i went to my dad and told him straight of all my feelings. well, not all. but yeah, he got the point. and while the plan is still to retake my 'a' levels because he feels that i shouldn't let go of whatever opportunity given.

well... actually as i thought about it, it's not that today's problem is so bad. it's just that... i've been fighting so hard since april 1st, when application closes for 2008 intake. and emotions that i cannot bear describe overcame and took me, like what elyn said 'today is the breaking point.' so everything just comes out.

the only good thing is that after this 'breaking point', there's 2 things that could happen.
1, i'm going to be stretched to further extents,
2, tomorrow is going to be better.

well... i gtg off now, i can't say much, and there's no need to. cos this 'breaking point' day is over, no point harbouring thoughts about it. see you again with more!

Words of the *~PaRaNoId QuEEn~*
i lost the first round, but i'm still IN the battle!